In the beginning

I was barely 23 and it was my first pregnancy. On my due date we had an appointment in the morning to see how things were going. I was feeling crampy and a little concerned because I wasn't noticing Lexi move very much. The midwife that checked me out told me I was in labor and we got to hear Lexi's heartbeat which was strong. She told us to go get some lunch and then head over to the hospital because we were having a baby!

I was too nervous to eat. As Daniel got fast food Taco Bell my mind was filled with last minute details of things I needed to get at Babies R Us. I was hoping that the hospital might let us leave for a little bit in the middle of labor to pick those things up.

When we arrived they hooked me up to a monitor where we could see the contractions coming and also hear Lexi's heartbeat. After 30 minutes or so a doctor came in and I asked if we could leave for a little bit. That's when she told me my baby was in distress. When you have contractions the baby's heart rate is supposed to spike with them and Lexi was showing no response. The monitor showed rolling hills rather than spikes.

The doctor had me change position, moving to each side and even physically stuck a finger inside the birth canal to touch Lexi's head. Still no response. I was told I would be having a c-section. In the process of me moving the heart beat monitor fell off my belly and had to be put back in position. When they tried to put it in place again they were not able to find a heartbeat.

From there everything went very fast. I was being rushed into surgery and there were so many medical professionals around me. I started to panic and heard myself screaming as if from far away. They put a mask over my face to put me to sleep. The last words I heard were "You need to calm down and take deep breaths. We are going to take care of you and your baby."

And then oblivion.

I was really out of it when I woke up. They told me my baby was very sick. That she had to be resuscitated and get a blood transfusion. As they wheeled me to my room I remember seeing the doctor sitting on the ground in the hallway with her head in her hands. She looked devastated but at the time I was numb and didn't understand. I thanked her for saving my baby. They brought Daniel to me and and we got see Lexi in passing. She was hooked up to all sorts of machines.

I couldn't believe how beautiful she was. Even now when I see her baby pictures I catch my breath in awe. I looked over at Daniel and there were tears coming down his face. That was the first time I had ever seen my husband cry.