Lexi got pneumonia again and again. I think the total was 9 times in one year. We visited the hospital more regularly and the ladies had to call an ambulance several times for different reasons, her not breathing or throwing up blood. Daniel missed a lot of work. I went numb and started having more issues with my health, stomach problems and random chest pain. After a particularly bad sickness my eye was randomly twitching.
We try to avoid the hospital at all costs because it's very hard on Lexi and our whole family for her to be there. Our pediatrician is amazing and he helped us manage many things from home that a regular kid probably would have been hospitalized for. So when I called on a Sunday to get his advice on Lexi turning yellow he gave me the option of getting blood drawn at the hospital or waiting until the next day and coming into the office. Daniel changed Lexi's diaper and she started screaming in pain so we decided it couldn't wait.
I went to the local emergency room hoping it would be a quick fix with antibiotics. Instead, they discovered that Lexi's lungs were almost completely filled with fluid and pneumonia. She had been to the doctor earlier that week and gotten an x-ray because we were worried about another lung infection with how sick she was but at that time her lungs were clear. In just a few days things had changed drastically.
We were transferred to the children's hospital where over the next two days Lexi continued to get worse. Her kidneys and liver were shutting down and one lung was completely useless. She was mostly asleep during that time but when she would wake up she would be coughing non stop and throwing up blood. When her heart rate started dropping very low they moved her to the ICU.
Going through suffering does not necessarily make you a better person. Sometimes it just makes you bitter or angry or fearful or selfish. Our life with Lexi has taken me all of these dark places. There are times like this I've begged God to take Lexi home and end her struggle. One of the biggest lessons I've had to learn is that it's not my job to decide if Lexi should be here or not. It's not profitable to even think that way in regards to suffering because I'm not God. He is big and omnipotent where I only see a glimpse of what's going on. She is here which means she is supposed to be. All other thoughts need to be taken captive and put in their place with a right perspective.
To be continued...
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